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 A Game No Longer Fun

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Lord of Altair

Male Number of posts : 107
Age : 26
Location : The Nondemension
Registration date : 2008-10-22

PostSubject: A Game No Longer Fun   Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:40 pm

Ha ha, watch him squirm,
see his pain as his mind burns.
So amusing, don't you think?
Your shallow soul, too low to sink.
Find enjoyment in his pain,
What is it we hpoe to gain?
Ignorant fools, find it fun,
to constantly torture this different one.
No wrong has he, comitted to you,
yet hate you give, where none is due.
A monster you feed, deep within,
it grows to feed, on your foolish sin.
He'll take you down, quite a peg,
with an axe, he'll break your leg.
No more is, this simple fun,
it's for your lives, you now run.
Of course escape, is out of grasp,
For now he'll cut you, strait in half.

Life's a road with many turns,
to make it through you first get burns,
cuts and scratches, thrusts of steel,
but through the pains true life yo feel.
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Chaos Poet
Chaos Lord
Chaos Poet

Male Number of posts : 193
Location : Hell
Registration date : 2008-10-21

PostSubject: Re: A Game No Longer Fun   Thu Nov 13, 2008 10:45 pm

It expresses the emotion well, but you have a lot of unecessary commas. But it's a good form and write, keep it up.

Let the fire consume you.
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A Game No Longer Fun
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